【關係】面對異性純友誼，如何周全所有人?

作者:

盤點朋友圈，我的同性朋友和異性朋友，幾乎一樣多，星座使然，里長伯的個性熱愛廣結善緣，不分宗教、種族、年齡，只要聊得來，為何我們要因為性別不同而錯過彼此?

封面照片｜來源

本篇探討在異性純友誼的關係裡
如何重視對方、保護自己、尊重另一伴

Photo by Kelsey Chance


甚麼是「純友誼」?

傳統異性戀時代所言的純友誼，是男女雙方之間的友誼；在多元文化裡，無論身理性別、精神性別，只要與戀人性別相同的人談起友情關係，即被視為「純友誼」。

本文討論的前提是︰
❶你和那異性好友之間，感情很好、無話不聊，又困擾常被誤會是情侶。
❷你們之間的友誼沒有”互相喜歡”，只是單純好朋友的情感，亦如你與其他朋友那樣。

Photo by Carly Rae Hobbins


如何保護「純友誼」?

從原始動物法則，到文明心理學判讀，「異性相吸、同性相斥」是千古不變的定律，異性之間總是互相吸引，那難道就表示不能擁有異性朋友嗎?

Photo by Toa Heftiba


其實，連同性之間的友誼關係都要細心呵護，何況是異性朋友，稍有不慎，不只兩人友情變質，還可能連朋友都當不成。在友達與戀人之間的那條線，游移太多就會越界，而「那條線」的定義因人而異，以下提供簡單三點，尊重彼此才能友誼長存。

  • 不要肢體接觸

肢體語言的力量，有時勝過嘴裡的千言萬語。
科學家做過實驗，將一隻幼猴一出生便帶離母猴，只給小猴子留下一個空間、一個奶瓶和一個棉質布偶。當小猴子吃飯的時候，牠會吸允一些奶汁，隨即又跑去旁邊抱抱布偶，再回頭吸允一些，又跑去抱布偶。

世上萬物都需要愛，愛有很多種形式，而以“擁抱、觸摸”為表達愛的方式，在語言出現之前就存在了，所以不要輕忽那些不經意的小動作。

Photo by Sam Manns
  • 不要獨處

當然，朋友之間坦坦蕩蕩，但是「擦槍走火」的個案確實存在，如果能避免不必要的紛擾，又何必將自己置身於疑慮之中。

所謂獨處指的是「待在一個除了你倆，沒有其他人的空間」，舉凡汽車裡、房間裡、無人的山頭…等。像是在哪個幽暗的秘密空間，你們相談甚歡，突如其來的錯覺，將對方看成金城武或林志玲，不小心親上去了，那可怎麼收拾啊~

Photo by Manuel Meurisse
  • 不要欺騙

放諸四海的人際關係之中，誠實面對所有情感關係人，才是保持情感熱度的關鍵。

有甚麼想法、感受直接說出來，用你們之間的方式訴說，不論面對情人還是朋友，坦誠相對，對方才會知道甚麼是你要的、甚麼是你喜歡的，才能用你想要的方式和你往來，如此你們之間的關係方能長久。

Photo by Josh Felise


如何保護另一伴?

尊重，絕對是愛情永保溫存的不二法則。

  • 事前告知

交往過程，主動告訴對方你有個異性知己，以及你們這段友誼的經營模式，並與另一伴協商維持這段純友誼的共識。與朋友的聚會，主動告知伴侶其行程，如果對方不能接受，請秉持理性溝通。

我認為，戀人與純友誼的三角關係中，不必三個人都相見相識，其實能”相知”相識，大家都知道彼此，也是一種對三方都平等的相處方式。

  • 事後分享

在和閨蜜朋友或異性知己散會之後，與伴侶分享聚會過程中的喜悅，除了能讓對方感到有安全感，也能增進彼此之間的感情。

相愛的兩個人有時不必共同擁有彼此的朋友圈，但是聊天、討論、分享彼此的生活和朋友，不僅能讓話題永遠不間斷，也能更了解對方的個性和價值觀。一段成熟的感情觀，是不需要隨時隨地黏在一起。


如何保護自己?

友誼? 說穿了，不過是地球上的兩個人聊得很來，當朋友還是當戀人，冷暖自知。
只是，複雜的社交網絡讓我們不再隻身，我們需要對伴侶負責，需要考慮友誼關係中的互動是否過親或過離，也要顧慮自己的感受。

  • 時刻提醒自己，你想要甚麼關係?
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

人際溝通的一來一往，雙向付出才能讓關係不會失衡。你想要怎樣的朋友? 你想要怎樣的情人? 你想要在他們面前展現怎樣的自己? 每個人的標準不同、喜好不同，你得捫心自問。

社會化的過程就像開車，行駛區間必須握緊方向盤，不斷調整，讓車身保持在車道之中，才盡情徜徉人生道路。


最後

醜話一句，真的不適合就換下一個吧！不論是朋友還是情人，最終，你得尊重你自己。

Photo by Jake Givens 


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在〈【關係】面對異性純友誼，如何周全所有人?〉中有 72 則留言

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